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The first message: how to write one that gets a reply

“Hey” is rarely enough. With these ideas, your first message will be personal, charming and inviting.

S&VSven & Viviana24. August 2026 · 2 min read

You’ve got a match – now what? The first message often feels harder than it is. With a little attention, an empty chat window turns into a conversation you’ll both look forward to.

Why “Hey” isn’t enough

A simple “Hey” or “How are you?” gives the other person little to respond to. A personal message, on the other hand, shows: I’ve really looked at your profile.

How to get started

  • Refer to their profile: “You’ve been to Lisbon? Which place did you like best there?”
  • Open questions: Questions starting with “What”, “How” or “Why” invite them to tell you more.
  • A touch of humor: A light, friendly remark lifts the mood.
  • Keep it short: Two or three sentences are enough. A novel can be overwhelming.

Tip: On FoundMyLove you can write in your own language – that makes it easier to meet people from all over the world.

Examples that work

  • “Your photo by the sea looks beautiful – are you more of a beach person or a mountain person?”
  • “I see you love cooking. What’s your signature dish that impresses everyone?”
  • “We both have ‘travel’ as a hobby. Which country is next on your list?”

What to avoid

  • Compliments that are only about looks
  • Copy-and-paste messages sent to lots of people
  • Overly personal questions right at the start
  • Several messages in a row when you haven’t had a reply yet

Conclusion

A good first message is personal, friendly and curious. It shows genuine interest – and opens the door to a conversation that might turn into something more.

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